It is December 22nd. Her contractions are five minutes apart…she is only in her eighth month of pregnancy according to her calculations, the seventh, according to the Doctors.
She enters the hospital and is put into a delivery room. Something is not quite right……
The nurses do all the necessary exams. Checking for the baby’s heartbeat, how far dilated the mother-to-be is and her blood pressure. There are quiet hushes as medical staff move through the room.
The Head of Labour and Delivery comes in to the room to do an ultrasound to see what is going on with the baby. He is quiet and thorough.
There is no heart beat. The baby has passed away in utero…….
At that moment, time stands still, the Doctor is explaining what may have happened, but everything is in slow motion. The women’s mind is racing trying to comprehend what she has been told.
The baby will have to be delivered naturally and the exact cause of death will be confirmed after the birth.
The woman’s dreams are shattered. She is in a state of shock, numb with the news. Lost in a sea of emotions that she cannot even describe.
The nurses come in to console the woman, they end up crying. The woman explains that she has yet to experience the joy of bringing a live child into the world.
The tears the nurses sheds are created from an emotional place that the woman has yet to experience. She thanks the nurses for their caring and compassion. The nurses hug her and leave the room.
As the woman sits in her room waiting to be moved out of the maternity ward, she reflects on the enormity of what has happened. All she ever wanted was to be a Mum. What was she going to tell her parents? This was going to be their first grandchild…
The tears are streaming down her face uncontrollably, a river of emotions pouring out trying to cleanse her Soul.
As she turns to look out into the darkness of the night, an intuitive thought washes over her. This is part of the Divine plan and in time this will all make sense. Self- compassion, love and time will help heal her broken heart…
The woman in the story was me, almost 25 years ago…
The dream of being a Mum, to children, never materialized for me. I eventually divorced, my then husband, within two years. Our lives seemed to have gone in different directions.
The gift of not having a child became evident during the divorce. We didn’t have to worry about child custody, support payments, visitation etc. The Universe has a way of balancing things out and has a much bigger plan for us.
While my dream of having children would never come to pass in this lifetime, I have had opportunities to be a mother in other ways.